It's Snow Joke
by Ilyusha
Summary: G1. Slash: Red AlertxInferno. Summary: Sometimes as much fun as winter can be, it isn’t fun if you’re paranoid... unless you're with the right mech.


Disclaimer: As per usual, the good things in life are not mine to have, but belong to someone else... in this case Hasbro, Takara and IDW and anyone else I've forgotten… This was originally going to be written and entered for the December mechaerotica challenge on Livejournal, but then I realised my plan (ha plan!) didn't involve any snow games of any description… well… aside from that but I'm not sure that would have counted… so I didn't write it. Until now. I personally blame Inferno for whining constantly about wanting some action… and 'apathocles' who shares my addiction to this pairing :)  
Feedback makes friends. Flames dealt with by the masters of paranoia and fire, Red Alert and Inferno.

* * *

Red Alert sat staring at his monitors. The rest of the Ark was out 'enjoying' the weather. Red Alert wasn't. He was sitting there, staring at his monitors, keeping one optic on the antics of the Autobots, the other on the furthest outreaches of the security grid he had set up. One couldn't be too careful where Decepticons were concerned. Assuring himself that nothing untoward was happening, he turned his attentions to his latest plans for upgrading the security grid. He wanted to extend the range of the current grid, to give them more time when the Decepticons attacked. The better prepared they were, the more likely they were to survive.

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Out of the corner of his optics, he saw a monitor fizzle into static. Sitting bolt upright in his chair, he brought up the location of the camera. It was one of the cameras on the north side of the Ark, as far away as he could place it and still get a signal feedback. Cursing mildly about Cybertronian engineers who couldn't create fully functioning cameras (he still hadn't entirely forgiven Wheeljack for the Negavator incident) and Earth for having weather systems, he stood up, prepared to leave and investigate why the camera had apparently failed.

"Hey Red, you coming out to play?" Inferno lounged in the doorway, arms crossed and a playful smile on his faceplates.

"No. I have to see why my camera isn't working." Red Alert replied distractedly.

"Awww but…"

"Besides, I am still on duty." He reminded his partner.

"Well okay then. But I'm coming with you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." Pausing long enough to note down his actions in the duty log, he followed Inferno outside.

"Now just be careful where ya put your wheels Red; this stuff can get awful slippery."  
"I'm always careful Inferno."

"I know ya are Red." Inferno waited until the Security Director had transformed before transforming himself and following the sleek Lamborghini down the road. He barely paid any attention to the Autobots that were having a 'snow war' in front of the Ark, so engrossed was he in watching the sharp lines of his partner's smaller alt-mode.

After a while, he commed Red Alert.

"Hey Red… exactly how far we going?"

"It's just another couple of miles Inferno." Red Alert replied patiently, most of his attention on the road in front of him rather than the large fire truck behind him. He was having trouble keeping his grip on the slippery roads, his tires only just providing enough traction to stop him from sliding off course.

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Eventually (and with no small amount of relief) Red Alert pulled to a stop and cut his engine. Transforming, he immediately located his camera and stopped, staring at the hillside it was mounted on.

"Red?" Inferno stood at his side, trying to work out why his partner had stopped suddenly and was staring at a snow-covered hillside.

"My camera…"

"Where?" Red Alert pointed to the hillside, his finger shaking ever so slightly as his processor tried to make sense of what he was seeing. "Ah… looks like it's been buried under all that snow Red."

"I can see that…"

"Didn't ya listen to Spike when he told us about snow? It can be dangerous you know. Apparently, not a year goes by without one or two humans dying in snow."

"Dangerous? How can it be dangerous? It's composed of water!" Inferno shrugged, recognising the signs of Red Alert getting annoyed.

"I don't know Red. I didn't stop to ask that. He started telling us all about snowballs and snowball fights and building snowmen and it sounded like fun."

"Fun?"

"Yeah… Anyways, we'd best dig your camera out and get back to the Ark real soon. Snow fall's getting heavier." Inferno indicating the increasing snow drifting down from the sky.

"You're right." Red Alert located the exact position of the camera on the hillside and slowly began the climb up the snow covered slope.

"Be caref…" Inferno cut short his warning as Red Alert slipped and slid down the hill, coming to a halt in a twisted heap at Inferno's feet. "Red?"

"Ow."

"Red?"

"Damaged servos in my leg." He ground out, dampening down the pain sensors in that area.

"Okay, we're getting you back to Ratchet."  
"No! I must fix that camera." With Inferno's help, Red Alert was able to stand, albeit awkwardly. "I can't go up there again." He vented a sigh, hating to admit defeat, but there was no way he would be able to climb the slope in his condition now.

"Fine. I'll do it." Settling Red Alert carefully against a large compacted snow drift, Inferno made his way up the slope. His size and weight worked for him, enabling him to keep his balance in the deepening snow. With difficulty, he managed to locate the camera and dig it out from under the snow.

"Looks okay Red." He called out, waiting for the order to check it anyway. When none came he turned back, confused, to look at where he had left Red Alert. The Security Director was now lying on his side, a fine layer of snow covering him and he was shivering. Trembling from head to foot. Swearing under his vocaliser, Inferno covered the distance between them in a matter of seconds and swept Red Alert up into his arms.

Holding him close, Inferno watched as dull blue optics regarded him, struggling to focus.

"We're gonna have to get you back to Ratchet now buddy."

"I can't transform. I sent a message to the Ark, but I'm not sure whether it went through… I didn't get any response." Even apparently not functioning properly, Red Alert could still get annoyed when proper procedure was not followed.

"Think this snow storm might be having something to do with it."

"Cold."

"I know, we'll find some shelter and wait the storm out." Even the basic scan that Inferno was able to perform showed that Red Alert was having difficulty maintaining his internal body temperature. Key systems were beginning to shut down from the lack of heat as energon and coolant froze in their tubes. A quick search revealed the lack of any decent shelter, so Inferno made his way into the tree line off the road, hoping to at least lessen the biting cold of the wind.

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Settling down against one of the larger trees, Inferno held Red Alert as close as their forms allowed, hoping that the heat from his engine would permeate and alleviate some of the coldness in Red Alert's chassis.

"It's been too long since we've been able to do this ya know Red."

"What? Spend the afternoon outside in the cold?" Red Alert muttered, his sense of humor affected by the cold traversing his system. It was beginning to affect the pain dampeners he'd activated in his leg, making him feel more uncomfortable.

"I actually meant spend time together alone."

"Ah… yes, it has been a few weeks." He could feel the effect of having Inferno's chassis so close to his, not only was his internal temperature rising, but he was heating up too. Shifting slightly so he could get even closer to his newfound heat source he let his hand trail across Inferno's leg. The not-quite-stifled moan that he drew out of the larger mech. proved that he wasn't the only one getting excited.

"This is ridiculous." He muttered. It really was ridiculous; it was cold and snowing and they were all alone and he was injured. Yet still, he could feel the need rising, just as sure as his internal temperature was rising.

"Absolutely crazy." Agreed Inferno, tenderly drawing one hand up Red Alert's chassis, smiling to himself as Red Alert arched up into his touch, vocaliser hitching as he did so. Strong hands grasped at his thighs as the pleasure tingled along all the circuits in Red Alert's chassis. The pain in his leg and the cold in his circuits became easier to ignore the more places Inferno's hands touched, ghosting along his chassis, leaving warmth in their wake.

Suddenly it didn't matter that his call for help hadn't been acknowledged, that they were out in the middle of a snowstorm. All that mattered was that Inferno kept touching him, allowing the pleasure coursing through his circuits to build, making his energy field pulse with need. All that mattered was that he could touch Inferno, wring needy moans and whimpers from his lover, to hear his name voiced close to his audios, spoken with such love that it nearly undid him. Cooling fans kicked on, trying to cool their overheating systems, the snow settling on their chassis melting with a soft hiss. Arching up as Inferno's hands brushed a particularly sensitive spot, Red Alert could feel his field flaring, stretching out towards Inferno's own field, seeking and craving the connection. Struggling against the now slushy snow and his own incapacitated leg, he turned around in Inferno's grasp to face his lover, hands splayed on his windscreen, energy field pulsing in time with his fuel pump. Inferno's arms wrapped around him, drawing him closer, enveloping him in a cocoon of heat and love.

Letting out a soft moan as his overload washed over him, Red Alert grasped at Inferno's chassis, clutching at him as their energy fields intertwined, merging as one, sending wave upon wave of feedback through both their systems until warnings flashed red and continuing on. Red Alert slumped against Inferno, systems already overtaxed with self-repair and the struggle to heat losing the battle at keeping him online. The silence was only broken by the rough rumblings of Inferno's engine as his systems frantically cooled themselves down after overload. Cradling Red Alert as close as he could he vented a sigh of pleasure.

"At least we won't have to worry about the cold for a while." He murmured, stretching his legs and settling himself more comfortably against the tree. The snowstorm seemed to be waning and he would soon be able to contact the Ark for Ratchet's assistance in bringing Red Alert back.

But for now he was content just to sit and relax, the mech. he loved in his arms, the snow blanketing the landscape around them in pure pristine white.


End file.
